Today I was not so brave. I was at a school picnic, chatting with other moms, when a mom who I don’t know very well and who I’ve only met a handful of times, asked me, “So, did you have a good summer?”
I paused for a second, and said, “Yeah, it was good.”
I lied. I flat-out chose to lie to this woman who didn’t mean any harm by her question. She was being nice, making conversation. She doesn’t know that the last nine months have been anything but good.
I stewed over my response the rest of the day. Why did I lie to her? Basically, I knew I would have to give the quick version of my story, I would have to talk cancer, she would feel badly that she asked, and we would part in awkward silence. I’ve had that conversation before, and I really wanted just to be a normal mom today.
But I should have trusted her with the truth. The truth is, no, I didn’t have a particularly good summer. In fact, I feel like I have been cheated out of most of 2015. I was a little bitter when school started this year, because I won’t ever be able to get back the things we didn’t do – no visit to the spray park or Holiday World, little time spent outdoors because I don’t tolerate heat very well, and no family vacation because of daily radiation treatments.
So, no, I wasn’t brave today. I took the easy way out, and then felt grief about my choice.
But as I was praying over what happened and the condition of my heart, God reminded me of 2 Corinthians 12:9 – My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…
God’s grace IS sufficient. Even, and especially, when I am not brave enough, He gives grace. It is His power that is made perfect in my weakness, not my own.
If I have any encouragement for you today, it is this – when we are not brave enough, God is. His grace is bigger than our fears and failures. Trust Him. He is enough.